Thursday, 10 May 2012

And then there were two.....Part 1


I purposely didn't post about the latter half (from 28 weeks onwards) of my pregnancy until now for a few reasons. The main one being that I was feeling pretty bad mentally.

Those of you who have read my blog know that after the birth of my daughter two years ago I developed post natal depression, and that this has never really left me.

Falling pregnant for the 2nd time was a huge shock, and yes, it did take a while for me accept it was happening.  My greatest fears were:
  • That I would spiral into the depths of PND again.
  • I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt that I knew I would feel towards Maya by bringing a new baby into our family.
  • The birth trauma - I wasn't quite believing that I was having an elective section! You can read about my first birthing story in the post below this one.

My midwife had caught me on a very bad day at around 26 weeks - I honestly think she thought I had lost my mind as I was crying non-stop and making no sense at all at my appointment, and she insisted on referring me immediately to the specialist pre & post pregnancy psychiatrist.  She also sent me to see the consultant the following day so I could finally have a date for my elective section as she thought if I at least knew when that would be it may ease some of my anxieties.

I was NOT prepared for all the feelings that I would experience again at my appointment with psychiatrist.  I was sobbing like a baby, blubbering on about how my mum had been treated in hospital before she died and how different smells when I was giving birth to Maya triggered some awful flashbacks for me.  It really was a very traumatic time for me when I had Maya, and in the end I had emergency section.  I also talked about my feelings surrounding Maya - I felt I hadn't had enough time with her on her own and that it was too soon to bring another baby into our little family.  I felt so very guilty about that and the nearer it came to my due date the worse I was feeling.

I was seen by the psychiatrist a further three times before my c-section date, and I do think that it helped.  I was really surprised at how calm an experience an elective section was.  The team were fantastic with me in theatre, and I cannot thank the wonderful Consultant Anaesthetist enough as there were a few hairy moments as the baby was wedged onto my spine and there was a fair amount of tugging and pulling going on to try and get him out, and then my uterus wouldn't contract afterwards which was quite frightening ( I was starting to freak out quite a bit at this point). He talked me through exactly what was happening - leaving out the graphic details, which helped me feel more in control which was hugely important.  Then eventually baby no.2 was born at 2:10pm on 23/4/12.  The most joyous sound to us was his shocked crying.  It was such a wonderful moment, just like when Maya was born. 

Here is our wonderful son - Brodie, just out the wrapper:  



And then there were two - our beautiful daughter Maya & our wonderful son Brodie:



To be continued - In Part 2...... 
The Ward/Breastfeeding/Coming Home & Baby Blues



Lynne x


8 comments:

  1. Bless you lovely! What a gorgeous little family you have now. So sorry you had such a traumatic pregnancy. I feel your pain. Must get our youngsters together sometime. Xx

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  2. Aww Lynne, you are so brave opening up like this, I really admire your courage! So sorry to hear things were that bad for you towards the end, wish I could have sent a few more hugs (as useless as they would have been!). It's great that you have been able to get the emotional and psychological support you need before Brodie was born, as I am sure it will help ease any fears and anxieties you will have in the future.

    Lots of love to you all as you start your new family, lean on people, laugh, cry and shout and most of all, throw those temper tantrums!!

    xxx

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  3. Thanks both for your lovely comments - much appreciated indeed x

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  4. Lovely to stop by here and see you Lynne. Big congratulations, Brodie is very handsome.

    I had an elective section second time to after a hairy first crash section and you are right, so much better.

    I am glad you have been looking after yourself. Mich x

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  5. Congratulations on safely bringing Brodie into the world. I had a c-section and felt a bit aloof from the whole experience. I don't think it helped me bond with my boy. I suffered from PND after my boy's birth and it lasted a couple of years. If we choose to do it again I think I would like to go for a vaginal birth.

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  6. Thanks Michelle and Baby Hampers, lovely comments xx

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Hi, thanks for taking the time to leaving a comment - it's good to talk!

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